Day 80/100❤️‍🩹

Grow up, heal, move on, stop dwelling in your past. You’re better than that… the list goes on and on . But do you actually know it takes a lot to move past it?. I’m not even talking about relationships here. I’m talking some deep level traumatic shit . I’m talking someone very close to you passing away, I’m talking things you had to go through and you couldn’t find the courage to speak up. It’s not as easy as the 15 seconds reel on TikTok or instagram makes it feel.

The hardest part is unlearning . For instance how do you unlearn having to suffer emotional distress when you do not have the ability to leave that place?. It’s even far beyond that. It’s waking up and reaching for a habit that no longer fits. It’s realizing your mind still builds a future around someone or something that’s no longer in it. You don’t just lose the person or the place. You lose the version of you that existed with them. And rebuilding that version takes time, because identity isn’t switched off like a light. It unravels slowly, with time.

It’s also the patience. Moving on doesn’t happen in a straight line. Some days feel like progress, and then a song, an incident , a date on the calendar pulls you back to where you left . That backslide doesn’t mean you failed. It means healing isn’t neat. The hardest part is trusting the process anyway, even when it feels like you’re starting over. And yes there are so many times you’d need to start over.

The hardest part of moving on from trauma isn’t the event itself. The event ends. What remains is the way it rewires your sense of safety and livelihood . Trauma doesn’t just take memories. It takes trust, I’m saying trust in your body, in other people, in the idea that the world is predictable. Rebuilding that trust is slow, really slow and this has proven to be the hardest part.

But like I said it’s a gradual process and sometimes it might lead to you being in isolation and I’m telling you it’s okay to start all over again. It’s okay for you to crash out when things remind you of it . You don’t move on by forgetting. You move on by making space for a life that’s bigger than what hurt you. And that takes courage every single day.It’s also learning to carry the memory without letting it carry you. And that’s the work no one sees.

My heart goes out to everyone trying to heal from any loss, trauma, abuse and even broken relationships. You’d get there with time and consistent efforts. I love you all❤️

Xoxo ❤️🌸